Understanding Autism: Sensory-Seeking & Sexuality
When it comes to sensory-seeking in some individuals who have autism, what comes to mind? Some people might think about stimming, or fidget toys. Others might think about more intense sensory-seeking, such as repeatedly hitting one’s chest. What about the role that sensations and sensory-seeking could play in sexuality for adults with autism?
Adults with autism can have many diverse ways of expressing their sensory needs. When it comes to the sensations one can experience in the bedroom, adults with certain sensory needs might find that either more or less intense stimulation can be met with a variety of safe, healthy, and consensual practices. One article in the Journal of Autistic Culture explores in depth the relationship between sensory needs, explicit consent, and higher-rates at which adults with autism might engage in BDSM practices.
Answering the Why
It can sometimes be difficult to understand why some sensations - particularly those we might consider intense or possibly painful - might be appealing, which can then create a barrier to understanding why some sensory-seeking behaviors occur or how they can show up in someone’s sexuality. Here are some of the reasons that can help us understand this a little more:
Clear communication & explicit consent: In order to safely explore and participate in more intense sensory-seeking practices, many adults have to establish explicit and clear boundaries, which is not always common practice in less riskier sexual exploration ("Comforting, Reassuring, and…Hot": A Qualitative Exploration of Engaging in Kink from the Perspective of Autistic Adults - PubMed).
Sensory engagement & “sensory joy”: BDSM practices offer controlled sensory intensity—restraint, touch, sensation play—that can align with autistic sensory seeking, providing excitement, regulation, pleasure, and sometimes relief ("Comforting, Reassuring, and…Hot": A Qualitative Exploration of Engaging in Kink from the Perspective of Autistic Adults - PubMed).
How To Support
It’s important to remember that everyone engages in some form of sensory-seeking or avoidance. How much or how little that affects our lives depends not only on if something is considered unsafe but also on the biases we might all have when it comes to what brings us pleasure and satisfaction versus others. Here are some practical things to do to support safe ways to explore sensory-seeking and sexuality:
Become risk-aware as opposed to risk-avoidant: Safety and health are number one priorities when it comes to supporting others, even if it’s a friend or family member. However, it’s important to remember that when supporting other adults, even adult relatives, that they are allowed to make the same mistakes and even take the same risks we are. Reframing risk can be a helpful way to let someone safely explore sensory-seeking.
Offering safe alternatives to meet sensory needs: Before offering someone a safe alternative, it’s important to know what sensation they are seeking. Offering someone who pinches themselves a soft blanket is probably not going to do the job, but offering them something like an acupressure roller might.
Key take-aways:
Sensory-seeking and stimming are both ways our minds and bodies attempt to help us regulate our nervous systems.
Sensory-seeking can be a part of exploring sexuality for adults with autism.
There are many safe ways to explore getting sensory needs met.