Understanding Relationship Models and Tools for Supporting People with Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities (ID/DD)

Relationships—whether friendships, family connections, or romantic partnerships—are fundamental to most people’s lives, including those with intellectual and developmental disabilities (ID/DD). Research shows that for people with ID/DD, quality relationships are strongly tied to wellbeing, participation, and belonging in the community. Yet, many individuals with ID/DD face social isolation, marginalization, and elevated risk in relationships due to fewer opportunities, lower expectations, or inadequate support. (ANCOR)

1. Foundational Relationship Models

Here are two major frameworks that help us categorise or understand how relationships function.

1.1 Relational Models Theory (RMT)

Developed by anthropologist Alan Fiske, RMT proposes that human interactions fall into four fundamental types (plus two edge-cases) of relational models: communal sharing, authority ranking, equality matching, and market pricing. (Alan Page Fisk - UCLA)

• Communal sharing: People treat each other as part of a group; the focus is on sameness, shared identity, and mutual care.
  

• Authority ranking: A hierarchical relationship where one person has more authority or status; interaction is regulated by rank.
  

• Equality matching: Relationships based on balance, reciprocity, turn-taking, and fairness.
  

• Market pricing: Relationships in which exchange, ratios, costs/benefits are central (e.g., “I’ll do this if you’ll do that”).
  

• Asocial / Null: Cases where interaction is minimal or absent.
  Importantly, these models can overlap in varied ways and give us a language to describe what kind of relationship someone is in.
  

For instance: a friendship might be largely equality-matching (take turns choosing activities), but could have moments of communal sharing (deep trust, sharing resources), or even authority ranking (one friend looking out for the other). Understanding which mode is active helps clarify expectations, boundaries, and potential issues.

1.2 Attachment & Social Network Models

Another useful strand is the broader notion of attachment and social network structural variables (how long people have known each other, how often they meet, who initiates, etc.). For people with ID/DD, these structural components matter a lot. (AAIDD_CMS)
Key factors include:

• How did the people meet?

• How long have they known each other?

• How frequently do they spend time together?

• Who initiates contact?

• Where do they spend time (home, community, online)?

• What kind of support is exchanged?

2. Particular Considerations for People with ID/DD

Applying these models in the context of ID/DD requires thoughtful adaptation and awareness of specific dynamics.

2.1 Authentic vs Supportive Relationships

Research emphasises the difference between “horizontal” (peer-like, reciprocal) relationships and “vertical” (support-giver to support-receiver) relationships. For people with ID/DD, many of their social contacts are with paid staff, families or other people with ID/DD—often in a vertical format. Balancing this with opportunities for horizontal, authentic friendships is important. (AAIDD_CMS)

2.2 Importance of Choice, Agency & Safety

People with ID/DD deserve the same rights to intimate relationships and sexuality as everyone else—but often supportive systems do not provide adequate training, expectation-setting, or scaffolding. (ANCOR)

2.3 Risk of Isolation, Small Networks & Power Imbalances

Because of fewer social opportunities, lower expectations, and sometimes communication or adaptive challenges, individuals with ID/DD are at higher risk of loneliness and exploitative relationships. (AAIDD_CMS)

3. Tools and Frameworks for Practice

Here are concrete tools and frameworks to support categorizing, understanding, and enhancing relationships for people with ID/DD.

Tool A: Relationship Mapping Worksheet

Create a simple worksheet with questions like:

• Who is the person? (Name, relation)

• How did you meet them?

• How often do you spend time together?

• Who usually starts contact?

• What do you do together?

• Does it feel equal / balanced?

• What happens when one of you wants to do something different?

• What type of relationship would you label this (friend/family/romantic/support)?

• Which relational model(s) from RMT best fit?
  
  

Tool B: Relationship Quality Checklist (adapted for ID/DD)

Based on research (e.g., structural components in ID/DD relationships) you could ask:

• Does the person choose to spend time together or is it arranged?

• Is the contact frequent and meaningful (not only because of staff duty)?

• Are the person’s interests, choices and voice heard?

• Are there opportunities for ‘horizontal’ interaction (peer-to-peer)?

• Are boundaries clear and respected?

• Is power balanced (to the extent appropriate)?

• Are supports in place for safe decision-making (especially for intimate relationships)?
  
  

Tool C: Supporter/Staff Reflection Guide

For those working with or supporting people with ID/DD:

• What relational models are dominant for this person and their network?

• Where are opportunities to shift more toward Equality Matching / Communal Sharing?

• Are there structural barriers (e.g., transport, accessibility, social opportunities) limiting friendships?

• Does the organisational culture support relationship-based practice? (e.g., is staff turnover high, is support all about tasks rather than relationships?) (SpringerLink)

• How can we scaffold choice, voice, and safety in relationships for the person supported?

4. Practical Strategies for Enhancing Relationships

Here are some evidence-informed strategies:

• Teach relatable social skills: Use plain language, role-play, visual supports to help people with ID/DD understand friendship dynamics, consent, boundaries, initiating and maintaining contact. (ANCOR)
  

• Facilitate social opportunities: Encourage access to community groups, inclusive social settings—help reduce reliance solely on family or staff relationships. (AAIDD_CMS)
  

• Promote peer connections: Where possible, support same-age or interest-based peer relationships rather than only provider-led relationships.
  

• Support safe romantic / intimate relationship education: Recognize that people with ID/DD may want relationships and need tailored support regarding sexuality, consent, safe dating, online interactions. (PMC)
  

• Monitor for power balance and exploitation risk: Because of vulnerability, ensure safeguards (education, empowerment, boundaries) are in place.
  

• Organizational culture shift: Services/supports should value the building of relationships, not just task delivery. Relationship-based practice improves outcomes. (SpringerLink)

Conclusion

Relationships aren’t just nice to have—they matter deeply for belonging, identity, and quality of life. People with ID/DD deserve the same richness of connection that many people take for granted. By combining theory, reflective practice, and purposeful support, we can help make that happen.