Understanding the Difference Between Kinks and Fetishes when Supporting People With ID/DD

Dec 11

When supporting people with intellectual and developmental disabilities (ID/DD), discussing sexuality can feel intimidating—but it’s essential. Sexuality is a natural and expected part of the human experience, and people with ID/DD have the same rights to sexual autonomy, pleasure, and privacy as anyone else. A key part of supporting healthy sexual expression is understanding the difference between kinks and fetishes—and knowing how to help people explore them safely and respectfully.

What Are Kinks?

A kink is any sexual interest, fantasy, or behavior that falls outside conventional or “vanilla” sex (Weinberg et al., 1984).
Kinks can include activities such as sensory play, power dynamics, bondage, or role-play.

Key features of kinks:

They are preferences, not requirements.
They are fluid and can change over time.
They are not problematic unless they violate consent or cause harm.

For individuals with ID/DD, kinks are not inherently risky. They simply need a supportive framework that emphasizes privacy, consent, and safety.

What Are Fetishes?

A fetish is a specific object, body part, material, or scenario that is central—or sometimes necessary—for sexual arousal or satisfaction (American Psychiatric Association, 2022). Examples include rubber, leather, feet, certain fabrics, or particular sensory experiences.

Distinguishing features of fetishes:

They may be essential for arousal.
They tend to be more consistent over time.
They are not harmful unless they cause distress or involve non-consensual behavior.

For some people with ID/DD, fetish-like interests may overlap with sensory-seeking behaviors or strongly preferred routines—making a nonjudgmental, supportive approach essential.

Important Note

Sexologists emphasize that neither kinks nor fetishes are inherently disordered—only non-consensual or distressing patterns signal concern (Moser & Kleinplatz, 2006).

Why This Matters When Supporting People With ID/DD

People with ID/DD frequently face:

Limited or incomplete sex education
Over-protection or infantilization
Barriers to privacy
Misinterpretation of sexual behaviors

Without proper education, a person may express kink or fetish interests in unsafe or inappropriate contexts simply because no one taught them otherwise (Fraser, 2019). Understanding sexual diversity prevents unnecessary restrictions, shame, and punitive responses.

Ethical, Supportive Approaches

1. Provide Accessible, Concrete Sex Education

People with ID/DD benefit from:

Visual supports
Direct language
Repetition and practice
Clear explanations of privacy and consent

Research shows this improves safety and autonomy (Griffiths et al., 2018).

2. Normalize Sexual Diversity

Avoid pathologizing language like “weird” or “wrong.”
A neutral tone reduces shame and encourages healthy communication.

3. Understand the Function of the Behavior

Ask:

Is this sensory-seeking?
Is the person expressing a fetish without understanding privacy?
Is this a communication or anxiety-related behavior?

Understanding prevents harmful misinterpretation.

4. Emphasize Consent and Safety

Teach:

Who it’s appropriate to share sexual interests with
Where sexual behavior should occur
How to ask partners about boundaries
How to express preferences verbally

Clear rules = safer behavior.

5. Bring in Disability-Affirming Sex Therapists When Helpful

They can assist with:

Managing distress around sexual interests
Developing safe, consensual expression
Building relationship and communication skills
Clarifying legal or ethical boundaries

Final Thoughts

Kinks and fetishes are normal variations of human sexuality—not disorders. People with ID/DD deserve education, autonomy, and dignity around their sexual lives. When caregivers and professionals understand and respect sexual diversity, they create safer environments where individuals can thrive, explore, and express themselves without shame.

References

American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed., text rev.).
https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787

Fraser, S. (2019). Sexual citizenship and disability: Understanding sexual rights for people with intellectual disabilities. Disability & Society, 34(7), 1155–1175.
https://doi.org/10.1080/09687599.2019.1602512

Griffiths, D., Richards, D., Fedoroff, P., & Watson, S. (2018). Sexuality and Developmental Disabilities: A Training Guide. NADD Press.
Publisher info: https://thenadd.org

Moser, C., & Kleinplatz, P. (2006). DSM-IV-TR and the paraphilias: An argument for removal. Journal of Psychology & Human Sexuality, 17(3–4), 91–109.
https://doi.org/10.1300/J056v17n03_06

Weinberg, T., Williams, C., & Moser, C. (1984). The social constituents of sadomasochism. Social Problems, 31(4), 379–389.
https://doi.org/10.2307/800385

Shanya Luther